Timing is everything

Day 16 – Timing is everything.

I got home from Georgia on Day 3 -- Dawn was an angel and handed me off to Cooley and Julie who were waiting in the wings to feed me, ice me and pain pill me every 4 hours. On that Saturday I went from Oxycoden to Percocet trying to stay ahead of the pain and doing my at home PT which was pretty excruciating when it came to flexion.

Day 5 Sunday Xanthe is in India and I miss her and vow to never have surgery again without her here. I talk to my Brother Rocky (Kirk) he will be having surgery the next day to remove a mass from his Liver. We talked about getting it off of there and we could both heal and ride together next Spring in Fruita. I decide not to go down to the hospital since my recovery is so labor intensive and everyone will just want to be taking care of me.

Day 6 Jodi comes over to do some energy work and healing for me and decides to just hangout since I am at the house alone, finally giving Cooley and Julie a break. I am focused on my brother and thinking about his surgery and sending him good love. Then I get the call….. things did not go well, they lost him on the table he was dead, and now alive but basically dying they weren’t able to close him up and were keeping him alive for now. The shock and intensity of this phone call caused me to physically react and almost pass out, thank God my friend Jodi was still with me and able to help me make the next moves. Getting to Pueblo was a nightmare with Julie driving white knuckle into the first darkness of night and Cooley by my side carrying me physically, emotionally and spiritually all the way there. My family was calling to see where we were, it gave an entirely new meaning to how much longer. They lost him again in the ICU… they were saying there was nothing more they could do that they were going to going back in close him up and that was it --  they were sorry  but nothing more they could do. My sister wouldn’t have it… pleading for them to keep him alive until I got there…. We have a special bond my brother and I ever since we shared bunk beds a little kids and took turns as my sister fed us vanilla wafers in the morning. We have had surgery together twice once when we got our tonsils out and once when I shared a pair of kidneys in 2006 he needed one so I gave him one. Twenty miles outside of Pueblo I began to have a talk with my brother I told him if he wanted to fight then fight it. He has had to fight so much for health that some of us so easily can take for granted. But, if he wanted to let go then let go and it was OK. I don’t know why I felt a need to give him permission maybe it is because I feel so much a part of him or because of the parts of me that are in him. I knew he felt my energy and spiritually I believed that we were communicating. As we pulled up to the hospital his son Josh met us out front and scooped me up and in to a wheel chair to get me to his Dad. Josh whisked me through the hospital and past everyone straight to ICU.

As I got my self out of the chair and steadied myself next to him so I could speak to him. I couldn’t help but have the feeling I was not sure he was in that body -- so traumatized and hooked up to so many things to keep it alive I was never more aware of what keeps it “alive” which is our spirit. I felt as though he was hanging around but not fully in his body. I spoke to him telling him he had the courage to choose whatever he wanted and that all of us were there and it was all Love.

His blood began to clot – the one thing that needed to happen in order for him to have a chance was for his blood to clot. Had they not waited for me to get there, he would not have had that opportunity…Timing is everything. My brother is a fighter; I believe that the experience he has chosen is one of great courage and inspiration. He is here very purposefully. Sometimes we are in situations that bring to the forefront of our consciousness the fragility of life and living not just one day at a time but but one moment at a time.  Rocky still has quite a challenge in front of him they ended up taking 60% of his liver and of the 40 that is left 5% still has cancer. His liver is struggling to kick in and start really working. He will be in the hospital for a bit, we are not sure how long – but, I trust the timing it will be what it is -  when it is -  on his time.

So, I started to blog about my knee, and other parts of my life took priority. I feel a little set back in my recovery but not anything I can’t overcome. I too am a fighter and take inspiration from my brother and those in my life that choose to live passionately and boldly. I am 50 years old and have a new knee…. The timing is perfect I am not sure why yet but I know it is. I will post photos to follow and get more in to the nuts and bolts of my PT and where I am in my recovery but where I am in my life is very grateful and present. Live Love!