3 weeks and 90 degrees

Flexion Flexion Flexion! I am at 90 degrees, when I work it, push it, warm up and grimace. I need to be at about 120 degrees to make a bicycle turn. Now when that happens people, everyone better just watch the fuck out because I will be back in my zone  and making things happen -- in the mean time, I am still working on pain management and flexion. I somehow convince myself that things are never going to be as bad as they are for as long as they are and I seriously thought I would be way further along then I am now, It has been 3 weeks I know that is just a speck of time in the lifetime of a new awesome knee but sometimes I get cranky about it and I cry if I don't have cream for my coffee (I had a small melt down that Xanthe pulled me through). I also have not been able to sleep though the night without waking up in pain and I am still icing right before bed and then once in the middle of the night for the pain. I talked to my Dr today and she is going to give me Ambien to sleep, I hope that works.  I am still taking Loritab about every 6-8 hours for pain. PT is my favorite it never fails to be extremely painful in a good way and I have to push hard which I love.  My therapists are awesome and get to know me more all the time I think I have earned their respect and they know I am not kidding when I say I want to snow board on Feb. 1st. I have begun this ritual where I walk in the PT office and as soon as I open those doors I tell myself I have to do my very best stay focused and make this hour count I only get this one chance to do this hour and like any sport I am going to leave it all there. It helps me to think of it like a sport -- something to achieve. I never have to look very far for motivation my brother just got out of the hospital today and they are going to be monitoring him to see if they can get his Liver to really start doing it's job. I have people always in my life all I have to do is log on to face book asking me to pray or send energy to this loved one or another who is struggling or challenged in some way -- I have yet to to find a moment that I can't find something for which to be grateful! So, onward Knellie -- 90 degrees and bending we have so many things to do. Live Love!

Timing is everything

Day 16 – Timing is everything.

I got home from Georgia on Day 3 -- Dawn was an angel and handed me off to Cooley and Julie who were waiting in the wings to feed me, ice me and pain pill me every 4 hours. On that Saturday I went from Oxycoden to Percocet trying to stay ahead of the pain and doing my at home PT which was pretty excruciating when it came to flexion.

Day 5 Sunday Xanthe is in India and I miss her and vow to never have surgery again without her here. I talk to my Brother Rocky (Kirk) he will be having surgery the next day to remove a mass from his Liver. We talked about getting it off of there and we could both heal and ride together next Spring in Fruita. I decide not to go down to the hospital since my recovery is so labor intensive and everyone will just want to be taking care of me.

Day 6 Jodi comes over to do some energy work and healing for me and decides to just hangout since I am at the house alone, finally giving Cooley and Julie a break. I am focused on my brother and thinking about his surgery and sending him good love. Then I get the call….. things did not go well, they lost him on the table he was dead, and now alive but basically dying they weren’t able to close him up and were keeping him alive for now. The shock and intensity of this phone call caused me to physically react and almost pass out, thank God my friend Jodi was still with me and able to help me make the next moves. Getting to Pueblo was a nightmare with Julie driving white knuckle into the first darkness of night and Cooley by my side carrying me physically, emotionally and spiritually all the way there. My family was calling to see where we were, it gave an entirely new meaning to how much longer. They lost him again in the ICU… they were saying there was nothing more they could do that they were going to going back in close him up and that was it --  they were sorry  but nothing more they could do. My sister wouldn’t have it… pleading for them to keep him alive until I got there…. We have a special bond my brother and I ever since we shared bunk beds a little kids and took turns as my sister fed us vanilla wafers in the morning. We have had surgery together twice once when we got our tonsils out and once when I shared a pair of kidneys in 2006 he needed one so I gave him one. Twenty miles outside of Pueblo I began to have a talk with my brother I told him if he wanted to fight then fight it. He has had to fight so much for health that some of us so easily can take for granted. But, if he wanted to let go then let go and it was OK. I don’t know why I felt a need to give him permission maybe it is because I feel so much a part of him or because of the parts of me that are in him. I knew he felt my energy and spiritually I believed that we were communicating. As we pulled up to the hospital his son Josh met us out front and scooped me up and in to a wheel chair to get me to his Dad. Josh whisked me through the hospital and past everyone straight to ICU.

As I got my self out of the chair and steadied myself next to him so I could speak to him. I couldn’t help but have the feeling I was not sure he was in that body -- so traumatized and hooked up to so many things to keep it alive I was never more aware of what keeps it “alive” which is our spirit. I felt as though he was hanging around but not fully in his body. I spoke to him telling him he had the courage to choose whatever he wanted and that all of us were there and it was all Love.

His blood began to clot – the one thing that needed to happen in order for him to have a chance was for his blood to clot. Had they not waited for me to get there, he would not have had that opportunity…Timing is everything. My brother is a fighter; I believe that the experience he has chosen is one of great courage and inspiration. He is here very purposefully. Sometimes we are in situations that bring to the forefront of our consciousness the fragility of life and living not just one day at a time but but one moment at a time.  Rocky still has quite a challenge in front of him they ended up taking 60% of his liver and of the 40 that is left 5% still has cancer. His liver is struggling to kick in and start really working. He will be in the hospital for a bit, we are not sure how long – but, I trust the timing it will be what it is -  when it is -  on his time.

So, I started to blog about my knee, and other parts of my life took priority. I feel a little set back in my recovery but not anything I can’t overcome. I too am a fighter and take inspiration from my brother and those in my life that choose to live passionately and boldly. I am 50 years old and have a new knee…. The timing is perfect I am not sure why yet but I know it is. I will post photos to follow and get more in to the nuts and bolts of my PT and where I am in my recovery but where I am in my life is very grateful and present. Live Love!

Whoa! pain.

Day 3 - Well, that nerve block was awesome and it lasted about 20 hours and then whoa-- hello Nellie (my name for my new knee) I got out of the hospital yesterday afternoon and I am Hotel camping with my Camp-mate Dawn Cerrone who will no doubt have a full set of glorious angel wings after this bout of care giving! It has all been about pain management and PT. I think of it as doing laps in relay every 4 hours it's -- pee, exercise, eat a saltine cracker with some peanut butter, drink another bottle of Vitamin water (which Dawn has laced  with Benefiber), take my anti nausea med, my pain med, sleep and repeat.

So, I am really feeling pretty good I can bare all my weight on my leg and already I am getting more range of motion little tiny baby steps. And the hardest of the PT for me knee flexion I have declared as my favorite and just because I love it so much I make myself do a couple of extras of these. I know it is going to be hard to stay on those crutches because I feel like I could walk down the hall way right now and I could. The AvivaTens XP must be God's gift to pain control that little set up is awesome!  Thanks for all your thoughts and  prayers I am so grateful.  here is what she looks like now, all dressed up. 

One more sleep!

What an awesome day! I have such confidence in the Sports Medicine South and the Surgeon is great! I also loved that all of his support staff loves him. This place was rockin all they do are athletes and it is busy they are like a well oiled machine. Everything they do is the best and cutting edge. I will I arrive at the hospital tomorrow at 6 am with Dawn and my surgery is at 7:30am. I am getting a subarachnoid nerve block and of course general anesthesia. The OR is reserved for1 hour 15 minutes! that's it - that's why

I'm here this guy is good. They were so thorough today, blood work, EKG, BP, new xrays everything. That basically said you seem to be in great shape and we are going to kick this out, you are going to do great. I got some new bells and whistles for recovery that they are hooking me up to at surgery and I will be wearing home. One is a Tens pain management system that they already hooked up and let me try, it is awesome and also a bMini cold therapy unit which is so cool : )  the best part of the day  was getting to meet my new knee! They let me see and hold and say hello to the actual prosthetic that they made just for me it was on a model of my bones that was made from the cat scan they took 6 weeks ago. I have not named her yet but "oh the places we will go".  

Not sure what her name is yet..... 

that last xray I think says it all....isn't there suppose to be a gap there?

 Really a whole lot like preparing for an adventure day or race! Paperwork and hydration!

5 more Days!

Ok – So I am 5 days away from getting my knee replacement. I am getting the Conformis iduo G2 my surgeon will be Dr. Gary Levengood in Duluth Georgia. I am going to Georgia because my surgeon Dr. Joanne Halbrecht recommended him and this particular procedure after working with him for 2 weeks he is supposed to be really good at it. Dr. Halbrecht has been working on her certification and will probably have it just about now. She will be I believe the first surgeon in Boulder that will be performing Conformis knee replacements and if it is all they claim she could be very busy you can check it out here --  https://www.conformis.com/flash/player.asp?3 a little animated video of what they will be doing.
The reason I am going with this replacement is that I have some high expectations of the performance I want out of this particular part and after a bunch of research I think (and hope) this is the best. I have some snowboarding, hiking, riding, surfing, racing, enduring and I hope even running to do on it! It has been difficult or very painful for me to do many of these things the last year.
After my last painful day of snowboarding and icing and not being able to walk upstairs any longer (oh, I could get up them just not walking) I had my first knee surgery last December. It was a “scope” they went in and scraped and cut tears and took out pieces floating around and then did a lateral release. The surgeon, Dr. Joanne Halbrecht said after “I did the best I could, but it was really bad, I don’t know how you have been doing all that you have, “Well, it hurt! That’s how”. After some rehab and gutting it out, I realized it was really not better and maybe worse -- because I thought it would be better. When Dr. Halbrecht or as I affectionately called her “Captain Bring Me Down” told me she had done the best she could but I would never run on “that” knee again, or snowboard like I want, maybe some cycling but not long endurance rides and climbing and on and on and on…. Xanthe replied to her “but she is training for an ironman” As I took it all in for a minute or two one of my first thoughts and I don’t mean this disrespectfully or to offend anyone was why not cut it off and get a prosthetic that I can really use. I think this is when” Dr. Bring me down” kicked in and she started trying to slow me down. After rehab I did the 6 injections of supartz – nothing it was a waste of time for me. I continued to ride not as strong but as I said enough to keep me from getting fat now that I wasn’t burning a million calories.  I was in fact having so much down time I managed to open another restaurant , broke my ankle mountain biking, and then in a fit of desperation actually started swimming for fitness.
Dr. H found this knee and this surgeon for me and I trust her because or her no-nonsense-never-sugarcoat-anything attitude. I have never blogged about anything before but because I have so many friends and athletes curious and supporting me as I go I thought this might be the time. Happy Living and Happy training!